January 3, 2012

Left lane drivers ain't right...

Even though there is a definite "dual" meaning in the title of this blog, it's true in both aspects. I'm not sure what "drives" (pun intended) folks to homestead in the left lane when they're driving but I'm certain, in their own mind they are sure it's perfectly o.k.

Well, I have a word or two about that, especially when it affects me directly. You see, I am a boring, old fashioned, believe-in-following-the-law, middled aged man. Laws are made to keep order and to keep chaos to a minimum and I drive the speed limit. Yes, on purpose.

I drive in the right lane when I'm behind the wheel and I only venture into the left lane when someone is in the right lane and not driving the posted limit, or if there is a law enforcement officer up ahead with someone pulled over or if someone is on the side of the road, changing a tire on the left side of the car. That, in my opinion, is a disaster just waiting to happen. Nonetheless, yes, I drive in the right lane at all times, period.

But take for example, you have a left-lane camper that is determined to stay in the left land AND drive the speed limit. Now, I live in the "metromess" of Dallas/Fort Worth and as a matter of fact, people do NOT drive the speed limit for the most part, right lane or left. The left lane around here between 6:00 a.m. and 8:30 a.m. resembles a practice run at any NASCAR track on any given weekend. I wonder about those folks that drive by me at 85 and 90 and I'm doing 60 or 65 and what it is that makes them want to go so fast. Now, with me doing the speed limit in the right lane and Billy Bob doing the speed limit in the left lane, it's only a matter of time until there is a bottle neck.

Ole Billy Bob doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. As a matter of fact, he starts pumping his fist out the window and pointing his middle finger at the the honking driver behind him. "What'd I do wrong"? Well, the left lane clogs up faster than my arteries at Thanksgiving and before you know it, there is a mile of honking, swerving, pi$$ed off drivers behind Billy Bob. And what comes next, I've had done so many times that I can pretty much predict to the second when it will happen again. Yep, here he comes now. Inevitably, someone in the left lane gets irate, fed up and in a hurry then whips over into the right lane behind me and decides he's gonna push The Impulsive Texan just far enough in front of Billy Bob, so he can get around and be at the Starbucks on time to meet his girlfriend for that double half-caf, skim milked caramel topped latte' he promised her the night before. After all, the right lane is clear all the way from Alvarado to Dallas, I should just ease up and let Daytona Don pass, right? Well, guess what cupcake? You got behind the wrong law abiding driver. I'm doing the speed limit and I ain't movin'.

You know the saying that you get more hard-headed the older you get? Well, I'm living proof of that. There is NO faster way for me to let my foot completely off the gas pedal than to ride my bumper, flash the lights and honk the horn at me when I'm OBEYING the law. After all, I'm in the right lane. It's designated for slower drivers and devious old troublemakers like myself.

So, we have Billy Bob in the left lane having a verbal war with the blonde in the Lexus behind him. I'm in the right lane JUST off of Billy Bobs bumper with an eye on Daytona Don behind me and we've got the traffic tied up for miles. And as they say these days, "I'm just sayin", I don't give in. I will stay on Billy Bobs bumper until the cows come home or until he decides he's had enough of the livid drivers behind him. And as it always happens, the left-lane driving mouth breathing moron always gives in and moves over ahead of me. And then like clockwork, when the clog is gone, over to the left Billy Bob migrates again. Oh, but it's ok, he used his turn signal.

Now that story makes me ponder the question, "why do people drive in the left lane?" I've thought and thought and thought and to me there can only be a few reasons. One, they like the left lane and are going to drive there, no matter what. Two, they don't like driving against the shoulder of the road and three, like The Impulsive Texan slamming on the brakes for tailgaters, they're hardheaded and doing it out of spite.

There could be more reasons or not, I don't know. But in all the years I've driven, I've come to one conclusion and it's summed up very well in the title of this blog, "Left lane drivers ain't right"...

The Impulsive Texan

"I may not get much done, but I sure am slow"...